Addiction and the Stages of Change: Understanding Readiness for Recovery

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If there was anything in your life right now that you could change, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 0:05

When I talk about going to the gym, I don’t necessarily mean that I need to be lifting weights, right? It doesn’t need to be a hardcore workout.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

If we have someone who is increasing our motivation, whether that be externally or internally, the next stage of change would be contemplation. And so when we’re in contemplation, what does that look like for you in your gym? In my gym life?

SPEAKER_01 0:24

I know that I’m gonna be going to the gym five days a week. I may have to adjust some things on my schedule. Maybe it’s I’m leaving work early or maybe I’m moving dinner up a little bit later.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Hello everyone. We’re back. It’s Lainey. And Natasha. And we are here with Impact Wellness Network to hopefully bring you all some support, education, um, and community wherever you are at um until you are ready to reach out and get the support that you need. So um we want to talk about. Well, I know what we want to talk about today. They have no idea what we want to talk about today. Um, but what I would like to start this podcast off with is um if there was anything in your life right now that you could change, what would it be? I didn’t ask for anything profound. I wish I didn’t have to struggle or battle with the disease of addiction. Okay, that’s a little you’re trying to get that magic wand out here, all right? All right. But we can we can roll with that. We can we can stick with that, right? Um, and I want all of our listeners to to answer that question as well, right? If there’s anything in your life that you could change, you know, what would it be? I mean, that’s a hard question. It is a hard question. Um, and the reason I asked that question is because what we want to talk about today is the stages of change.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

And oftentimes then I can answer your question.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Okay. Let’s see now. I want to be more disciplined working out in the gym. Oh, yeah, girl. Okay, well, when you figure that out, you let me know. I know exactly what stage I’m in with that one, and we’ll get to that. Um, but you know, a lot of times people they hear stages of change and they and they think it’s only applicable to people who struggle with addiction. Um, and stages of change is is actually, you know, it’s it’s a way for us to assess and know where someone is at and their ability to change something. Anything. Anything. Anything, right? Um, and so we want to kind of break that down a little bit, but you know, we can we can spend this whole podcast and we can focus on our loved ones and great, or you can go and try to change them if you want. Um, you’ll learn very quickly that you can’t. Um so instead, I’d like you to just identify what you want to change, right? And what you have control over and kind of walk through that. Um, with that, of course, we’ll help you understand where your loved ones are at in that change. But for the sake of this, let’s put our loved ones in a little box in our brain and we can think about ourselves. So with the stages of change, um we’ll start with the first one pre-contemplation. So Natasha says she wants to change um her, you know, discipline in going to the gym, um, which is good for her. Um, but pre-contemplation, what would what would that look like in regards to your change?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Uh maybe I don’t really need to go to the gym, you know. I know I know that I need to, maybe, I’m not sure. Kind of just all over the place with it. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Um, most oftentimes I’m leaning to nah, I’ll get to it tomorrow. You know, just kind of very, just not sure. Um, there are sometimes, depending upon how I’m feeling and what’s going on, I’m just like just in denial about the fact that I need to do better with my health. And I’m in denial about the fact that I need to incorporate some type of activity, physical activity in my life. When I talk about going to the gym, I don’t necessarily mean that I need to be lifting weights, right? I don’t it doesn’t need to be a hardcore workout. But as I’m getting older and managing my health, it’s important for me to have mobility. It’s important for me, even if it means going outside and going for a walk. And I’m not very disciplined with that. I there’s a part of my brain that knows, like, okay, I should be doing those things. And there’s just another part of my brain that just some days can’t get it together. And there’s some days I can convince myself to say, nah, you know what? I’m okay. I’ll be all right. Let me just I’ll do a couple of things here and there, or maybe I’ll adjust certain things and or maybe I’ll just stop drinking sodas and everything will be better.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

So you’re kind of like in pre-contemplation, we’re gonna have a lot of denial, a lot of justification. Um, you know, it’s you know, I really don’t need to go, it’s fine. Like, you know, um, the whole time you were talking, I’m not gonna lie, I was thinking about that cinnamon roll place. I’m like, she’s over here, like, yeah, I don’t really know to need to go to the gym. And I’m like, yeah, you’re right, you don’t. What we need to do is go to the cinnamon roll place and get some good cinnamon rolls. Um, that’s where my head was at.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

So we know what stage I’m and I will tell you that in that pre-contempl, I mean, in pre-contemplative state of change, I’m like, you know what? Yeah, let’s do that. Yes. Yeah, we’ll just we’ll I’ll do that walk later. I’ll go to the gym another day. Let’s go get that cinnamon.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Beautifully done. Beautifully done. That was great because I want you all to think about your loved ones, right? And pre-contemplation for your loved one is gonna be this idea of like, yeah, I, you know, I’ll I guess I might need to go to treatment. I really don’t want to, so I’m gonna go on Monday. I’ll go after the holidays, right? I’ll go after we do this, I’ll go after the birthday, I’ll go after this, right? And next thing you know, you’ve gone after something for the next year has gone by. Um, and I know a lot of loved ones listening to this, they’re probably thinking, like, yeah, that’s happened, right? And you know, maybe somebody’s listening to this who also struggles with substance use or mental health, and you’re thinking to yourself, yeah, I’ve said that, right? And and the pre-contemplation stage is is where you you don’t really see it as a problem.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Correct. It’s not worth it, it’s not that bad for me to really get in there and do something about it, right? So when I think about using the gym analogy again or um example, it’s like, yeah, I know I need to go, but man, that cinnamon place cinnamon cinnamon place, I’ve never been there before. So I want to try that out. I want to check that. So now that becomes a priority on my list over me going to the gym.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

You know, I’ve heard people say that um, yeah, I guess I can go to treatment, but I don’t even watch my animals. So I don’t even want to watch my dog or watch my cat. And then now we make the who’s taking care of the animal more of the priority than them getting into treatment and getting the help that they need.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Absolutely. After the pre-contemplation, right? So what happens is as you move through these stages of change, um, typically your motivation is going to increase, right? As we move through these stages, your motivation increases. That can be external motivation or it can be internal motivation. Um, a lot of times, therapists who work in treatment centers are trained in using what’s called motivational interviewing. And, you know, that’s a technique that you can use to increase motivation so that you can progress through these stages of change, right? So if we’re if we have someone um who is increasing our motivation, whether that be externally or internally, the next stage of change would be contemplation. And so when we’re in contemplation, what does that look like for you in your gym in my gym life?

SPEAKER_01 7:09

So, first of all, it would be someone like yourself, instead of offering me to go get a cinnamon cinnamon bun, you’d be like, you know what, I’ll go to the gym with you. And I’m still not going, ugh, I don’t really want to go, but you’re motivating me to go. So I’ll go with you, I’ll humor you, and we’ll go together, right? And then we get into the gym, and then maybe we’re on the treadmill together, or we’re, you know, we’re just working out, you know, side by side, and I’m kind of getting it. I’m like, all right, I see you doing it. Then I’m around other people that are in the gym working out, and I really kind of get this feeling inside of me, like, okay, maybe I maybe I can do this. Maybe this is possible for me. So I stay the time with you, and I’m kind of, you know, still kind of wishing I would be on my couch in my in my PJs or in my sweatpants, but nonetheless, I’m here and I and I and I’m doing it. But you then at the end of the workout, you’re like, let’s do this five days a week. And I’m like, huh. Well, you know, I had a really great time, and I I’m really feeling better. I have the energy and I I really feel pumped, and this is good, but five days a week? I mean, I’ve got to work and I don’t want to be away from my partner. I mean, we, you know, you want to come to the gym at like five o’clock, and some days I’m just not getting off work, or my partner wants to have dinner, and I I I don’t know. I I you’re really great, and this was really great. I had a great day today, but I don’t think I could do five days.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Would it be fair to say too, like in contemplation, if if they said, you know, or if I said, I’m not gonna be able to go today, I have other plans, would you still go? And go without them? Yeah. Just your response, and that was enough of an answer. It’s like that fear. I gotta go. I have to go to the gym by myself.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Yeah. Well, the problem there is I don’t have anyone to motivate me. So depending upon my mood that day, if I don’t have someone motivating me in or someone holding me accountable, like saying, hey, are you gonna go to the gym or hey, have you been to the gym? I’m gonna be really real. And that’s and that’s part of my struggle. That’s why that’s scenario I want to work on. I will find some excuse, or I will find some busy work or work longer hours at work to justify why I can make it to the gym.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Yeah. And so that’s what I really want to hone in on that contemplation stage, right? It’s you all, you know, as you heard her say, she did go to the gym, right? So she made that change, but that motivation is still, she’s not still fully committed to that change, right? So she’s understanding, like, okay, this is going to help me, this is going to make me feel better. I feel good doing this, but I don’t quite have the skills necessary to do this on my own, right? And I think that that’s huge, right? A lot of times, you know, when people go into treatment, right, they do start to feel better. And and like I said in in a previous episode, I think that whenever they call and they make these commitments, like, you know, I want to do this, I want to do that, they fully believe that and want to do that. In that moment, in that moment, right? But what happens is is life happens, right? And when life happens and we don’t have the skills that we need that can propel us in that change, we’re gonna fall off, right? It’s saying, Yeah, I’m fully committed to being sober, but I won’t do that. And it’s like, well, how committed are you to being a part of that change, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:38

And I I’ll take I’ll tell you that part of it is my my fear of commitment is I’m not sure if I can do it long term. So just like sobriety, and the same thing happened in the early sobriety. Without a sponsor, I’m not sure I could I didn’t think that I would stay sober past, you know, I would be beyond my I would live beyond my 40s. I got sober when I was 31. I never really thought that I would even last that long, you know, because on my own, I just didn’t think I had it in me. I didn’t think I was capable of it. You know what I mean? So without my sponsor holding me accountable and her motivating me to go to my meetings and do the things that I needed to do, I honestly don’t know that I would have done it on my own.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Yeah. And I think that’s huge, right? Like you you need that that support in there, right? As you get support though, and you continuously increase in that motivation, um, after contemplation, we then move into preparation. Um, so when we think about preparation, what would that look like for you in the gym?

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Uh, me actually going out and, you know, buying all my buying my gear, you know, buying my workout clothes, getting whatever I need, um, even if that’s equipment, um, and just preparing and planning. Like I know that I’m gonna be going to the gym five days a week. I may have to adjust some things on my schedule. Maybe it’s I’m leaving work early or maybe I’m moving dinner up a little bit later because that time works out for me. And for the person that I’m, you know, I’ll tell you in the early stages, I like having somebody with me. It helps me. I know myself well enough to know that if I have someone doing it with me and if that person’s offering to do it, then what I will do is prepare to adjust my schedule so that I can accommodate the time so that we can go to the gym and that I can get that workout in there. And one of the things I learned is that repetition is important and consistency is important. That let’s say that after let’s say 21 days, I’ve been doing it every day, 21 days with this individual or with you. You’re taking me to the, you know, you go to the gym. And then you say, you know, no, Natasha, I can’t make it today. You know, something’s come up, it’s pretty urgent. Um, but I’ll catch you tomorrow. I’ll catch you the next day. After 21 days of me doing this in and out, I’ve developed some repetition. I’ve become a little bit more comfortable going into the gym space and being familiar with the people that are in there, in there. I have the gear, you know, by this point, I have um developed a routine, right? To to my day and to when I’m gonna be making it to the gym. It makes it just even more easier that on the day that you’re not gonna be able to be there, that I can actually get out there and do it on my own and take that initiative and be a little bit more accountable rather than needing someone to be hold me accountable.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Would you say that it’s fair then that in the preparation stage of change, this is when you um have to set boundaries?

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Well, absolutely, because you know what if my partner says, but we’ve we’ve been having dinner at this time for so long, and now you’re gonna move dinner on us. And this comes back to my my values, and not that having dinner with my partner is not a value and not important, but my health is also important. So it’s important for me to be able to tell my partner, listen, I don’t have another time in the day to be able to go to the gym when I have the energy and the motivation to do it. And we’re still having dinner, but this is equally as important to me, and I have to do this for me. I have to also do it for my recovery, right? That time in the gym, um, you know, it’s a time with a with another person in my women’s group um or someone that, you know, that’s holding me accountable. It’s a time, it’s some alone time for myself because when I’m on that treadmill and I put my music on, kind of in the zone, and I’m taking some time away from everyone and everything. And that’s really important for my recovery. So it’s about me communicating that to my partner. But if I’m really scared and wanting to please everybody and not wanting him to be mad at me or to be upset with me, then yeah, I might not set a boundary and I might not go to the gym, but if I value it enough, I will.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Yeah. Ooh, you just said something that hit hit the chord. If I value it enough, I will, right? I think that’s a big thing when it comes to change and like that motivation for change, right? Is going back to, you know, that disease concept that we talked about and understanding what our values are. Um, but one of the biggest things I want to hone in on preparation, you know, preparation is when when you are learning the skills that you need to make your life adjusted for the change that you want to make, right? Um, you know, and as you make those adjustments and as you learn those skills and you start speaking the boundaries and saying the things and moving things around, you eventually will move into the last stage, well, not the last, but the next stage of change, which is action, right? Um, and so what would action look like for you and your gym?

SPEAKER_01 15:25

So the action for me is not just even not just going to the gym. So now I’ve developed this routine. I’m going five days a week. There’s a particular time in the week that I’m heading, heading to the gym. Um, it’s also me being mindful of my diet, right? Making sure that I’m mindful of what I’m eating. I’m not gonna go home and eat fried chicken and eat a lot of starchy foods and then go to the gym, right? So it there’s more wellness for me involved in me help uh taking care of my mind, body, spirit. So the action is the consistency in going to the gym and then doing other adding, maybe adding other things to it to be able to make sure that I’m continuing to take better care of my health.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

I want to point out, um, well, before I point out a word that you use, she used the example of fried chicken because that’s what I had for lunch. So she slightly called me out. Um and myself because I love, love fried chicken. Yeah, now she’s trying to save herself. That’s fine. We’ll we’ll let you have that one. I’ll get you back. Um, but the the word that you had said was consistent, right? Action is about being consistent and how you want to show up. It doesn’t mean you’re perfect. Correct. It means you’re consistent, right? And as you’re consistent and showing up in that action, you then move into the next stage of change, which is maintenance. What would maintenance look like for you?

SPEAKER_01 16:42

So maintenance at this point, you know, again, I have that routine of, you know, going to the gym, staying hydrated, eating well, and continuing to do that and not straying from that. And I’m gonna I’m gonna share with you where I struggle with maintenance. So I was doing really well for the last two years with all of what we’ve been talking about. And I’ve cut out gluten, I’ve cut out sugar, saturated fats, and I lost over 50 pounds within the last two years, right? Nice, however, and I was in that action stage and doing all the things, staying hydrated, taking in my protein, working out, doing great. Here comes the holidays. And this last Thanksgiving, I said, Oh, you know what? I’m gonna cheat a little bit. I’m gonna have a piece of that apple pie. Or that fried chicken. Or that yes, or that fried chicken, or one of my favorite things to make for my family is cornbread souffle.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Right?

SPEAKER_01 17:37

And in that has sugar, right? One of the ingredients. So I indulged in that and I said in my mind, I’ll go to the gym tomorrow. Well, um, I you as you know, I don’t like cold weather or cool weather. You know, I’m welcome to Kentucky. I’m from the Caribbean and I love warm weather. Um, and it got a little bit cooler than I would have liked. And then I was like, yeah, I’m not gonna go walking. And I postponed it. And then the walk somehow from my house to the gym seemed like too far to walk. And before you know it, it was a week, and I was like, but I’ve been doing well for two years. So you know what? I’ll wait. I’ll I’ll go another day. And day by day, week by week, I was no longer maintaining and I was coming off of my routine, I was breaking the structure, and I was not doing the things that I was doing. Now by dis after December, after Christmas, I decided I would get back into eating better better. So I stopped, you know, I stopped eating the gluten, I stopped eating the sugar, but since December to now, I have not been able to steadily go back into the gym and work out and walk and run two miles like I normally do.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

So what I’m hearing you say is that, you know, you’ve made it all the way through the stages of change, you’ve made it to maintenance, you were maintaining it. But the stages of change are things that you can fluctuate between. It’s not like you just get to maintenance and you stay there forever. Right. I mean, hopefully. We’d like to like to, but when you start backtracking, that’s what we like to call a relapse. And I want you all to hear that, right? She relapsed in her behaviors with the gym.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

I relapsed on sugar, aren’t you?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

I relapsed on carbs. Yep. So relapse isn’t just a term that we use for substance use, right? Relapse is when you backtrack in your chain and you go backwards, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:22

And you backtrack on the actions that you were taking in the action stage.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

And so what she’s recognizing now is that she she’s going back, right? And she’s got to start over and she’s got to go back to contemplating. Is this really worth it? Is this something I value? She’s got to go back to preparing. She’s got to go back to putting the action in, and then she’s gonna go back to maintaining it, right? And we have to go through all of this. Um, I will not hold you accountable for that. I will eat my fried chicken and you know, all the things.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

I am gonna tell on myself in this conversation, I am in the contemplative stage of change. Nice. I am, I know what I need to do, I know that it works, it’s proven itself for two years. I’m not as motivated and I need to be motivated and I need to be accountable. And while I’ve done better, like even in the time that we’ve been here together for this weekend, I have indulged in, you know, things that I probably shouldn’t like, you know. Chocolate cake, chocolate cake, or my my coffee at Starbucks. I have actually my barista hasn’t seen me in almost two years because I took coffee out of the equation. And here I get away for a weekend, and here I am at Starbucks.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Now she’s calling me a bad influence. First, she calls me out from a fried chicken. Now she’s calling me out being a bad influence.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

No, listen, and I can listen, and I can honestly sit here and say, you know, Laney, it’s because of you, and I can fault you as oftentimes that clients will fault their family members, but at the end of the day, I made that decision. I’m the one that agreed to it, I’m the one that said yes to it, I’m the one who was willing to not continue to do what I needed to do and uphold your boundaries correct for my own recovery. I love that. So that is not your fault.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

I love that. And so I this is what I want to kind of leave everyone with today, right? So whether you’re listening to this and you have a loved one that struggles, or maybe you struggle with your own substance use or mental health, if you are ready for change and you are committed to making a change, you can go to impactwellnessnetwork.com. Um, and we will be able to help offer you that motivation for change. We will be able to get you to where you need to go. Um, we will give you the tools that you need to be successful. All we’re asking is that you just say, yes, I need change. Um, you can start in the pre-contemplation. You don’t need to have the answers. You don’t need to be fully committed. You just have to be committed enough to say, I want something to change. Um, and again, you can go to impactwellness network.com and we would love to help you with that change. So um that’s all we have for today. Do you have anything else, Natasha? No, I have some work to do. That’s all right. While you do work, I’m gonna go to the cinnamon place and uh I’ll enjoy my cinnamon roll while you go work out. We’ll we’ll update you all on whether or not she gets the cinnamon roll or goes to the gym. Um, but until next time, that’s all we have for today, and we’ll see you then. Till next time.